Image 1 of 1
Image 1 of 1
Image 1 of 1
Image 1 of 1
I felt called to the Roman Catholic priesthood long before entering the seminary in August of 1976. I was young, idealistic, and certain I was surrendering my life to something holy and safe. That certainty lasted less than a day.
As the sun set on my first evening, I watched seminarians head toward the campus lake. Having just left my job as a lifeguard in Birmingham, I followed, grateful for something familiar. A game of “greased-watermelon football” was underway, and I was invited to join. For a brief moment, I felt accepted.
Then the game turned. What began as rough play became deliberate. I was grabbed, held under water, and violated. Panicked and choking, I broke free and ran into the woods, where I stayed until dark, replaying my brother’s warnings about this path.
In minutes, a sacred calling became an unrecognizable reality. The years that followed were marked by predatory behavior, silence, and the absence of refuge. As I had learned to do in childhood, I survived by turning inward.
Why Seek the Living was my first attempt to make sense of that experience. It was written for my eyes only, never intended for publication. The story grew out of a young man’s cry for help and reflects the inner turmoil of my time preparing for the priesthood. Writing it nearly forty years ago helped carry me through some of the darkest days of my life.
I felt called to the Roman Catholic priesthood long before entering the seminary in August of 1976. I was young, idealistic, and certain I was surrendering my life to something holy and safe. That certainty lasted less than a day.
As the sun set on my first evening, I watched seminarians head toward the campus lake. Having just left my job as a lifeguard in Birmingham, I followed, grateful for something familiar. A game of “greased-watermelon football” was underway, and I was invited to join. For a brief moment, I felt accepted.
Then the game turned. What began as rough play became deliberate. I was grabbed, held under water, and violated. Panicked and choking, I broke free and ran into the woods, where I stayed until dark, replaying my brother’s warnings about this path.
In minutes, a sacred calling became an unrecognizable reality. The years that followed were marked by predatory behavior, silence, and the absence of refuge. As I had learned to do in childhood, I survived by turning inward.
Why Seek the Living was my first attempt to make sense of that experience. It was written for my eyes only, never intended for publication. The story grew out of a young man’s cry for help and reflects the inner turmoil of my time preparing for the priesthood. Writing it nearly forty years ago helped carry me through some of the darkest days of my life.